Pampatanggal ng Stress

Nakuha ko lang ito sa post ng isang friend ko sa Facebook. Some of these are really funny. Excuse lang some of the coarse language. Enjoy! :)

Yaya buys food at McDo.
Crew: "Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?"
Yaya: "Puwede sa table?"
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2. Kid: "Yaya look, boats!"
Yaya: "Dows are not boats, dey're yachts."
Kid: "Yaya, spell yachts?"
Yaya: "Yor rayt, dey are boats..."
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3. Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor's office.
Doc: "Bottlefed?"
Woman: "Breastfed po."
(Doctors squeezes woman's breasts repeatedly)
Doc: "Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh."
Woman: "Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!"
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4. The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten.
She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor:
"Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!"
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5. My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star.
Our yaya came back and said: "Ma'am, wala pong Inquirer
kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!"
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6. Yaya: "Huhuhu?"
Ate: "O, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
Ate: "Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat? "
Yaya: "Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi."
Ate: "O, bakit ka di makatulog?"
Yaya: "Kasi po may pinoproblema ako?"
Ate: "Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?"
Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
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7. (Earlier) Mom: "Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!"
(Later) Son: "Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?"
Yaya: "Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!"
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8. Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform.
I angrily asked her, "Paano mo naman nasunog to?"
She answered: "Secret!"
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9. After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out :
"Ang pangit naman, happy ending!"
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10. Sir: "Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!"
Yaya: "Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!"
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11. Mom: "Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!"
Yaya: "Ano po lulutuin ko?"
Mom: "It's up to you."
(During dinner) Mom: "Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?"
Yaya: "Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko,
sabi niyo, 'kitsup tuyo'!"
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12. Our neighbor's yaya: "Junjun, chew your mouth!"
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13. Our yaya sa sari-sari store: "Miss isang Coke in can
at isang Sprite na Coke in can?"
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14. SIR: "Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!"
INDAY: "Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?"
SIR: "G*ga! Si sir mo talaga to!"
INDAY: "G*go ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin? Kapkeyk! "
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15. I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located.
She answered: "Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?"
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16. "O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!"
Ate: "Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!"
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17. We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle.
Sabi namin: "Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?"
Yaya: "Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, 'concentrate' ?"
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18. Neighbor's yaya telling her ward to climb down the stairs:
"Down to earth! Down to earth!"
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19. My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio.
Before my mom left the house, our yaya said,
"Ma'am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!"
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20. We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya's son.
So one day I was reviewing him: "The Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun.
Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?" His mom, our yaya, answered:
"Parang Watson's yata?"
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21. Sir: "Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?"
Yaya: "Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!"
Sir: "Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?"
Yaya: "Gunting, kuya! Gunting!"
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22. Yaya to tricycle driver: "Magkano sa City Hall?"
Driver: "Ikaw lang?" Yaya: "Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?"
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23. (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya)
Kuya: "Yaya?"
Yaya: "Koya, wag po! Wag pooooo!"
Kuya: "G*ga! Uutusan lang kita!"
Yaya: "Si Koya naman, nagsa- suggest lang?"
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24. Kid: "Yaya, spell orange?"
Yaya: "Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?"
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25. Midget Yaya who was newly hired:
"Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo.
At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!"
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26. Yaya to my brother: "Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?"
Bro: "Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!"
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27. (after being scolded for breaking her promises):
"Ma'am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit. Promise! "
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28. AMO: "Bakit namatay ang aso?"
MAID: "Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap."
AMO: "Nakamamatay ba yun?"
MAID: "Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na."
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29. Yaya picking up the phone saying: " Hilo ?"
We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad.
We told her, "Yaya, baliktad!"
Then Yaya said: "Lohi?"
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30. Amo: Yaya use COOLING PLACE in a sentence.
Yaya: Sir! viry easy! iksample nagring yung phone,
(ring, ring, ring,) Yaya answered, " HILO , WHO'S COOLING PLACE?"